Tag Archive: reflection


It’s finally stopped raining here in Southern California and today’s blue sky is a welcome sight. This week, as I’ve tried to shake off whatever this under-the-weather thing that has afflicted me and a number of my friends, I’m taking a long look at last year, and breathing in this fresh new one along with all the promises it brings.

Nelson Mandela Courage QuoteI realize that much of last year was spent creating new goals for myself, not least when I picked up archery once again, having enjoyed it back in my high school days. The feel of the bow in my hand and hearing the thuck of my arrow hitting the target was all kinds of wonderful. Of course, a tiny part of my rekindling the archery romance might be my love for Hawkeye and having spent last year binge-reading my way through Marvel’s Hawkeye comics, I still tell myself it was mostly nostalgia. Mostly.

Annie Bergin Archery

And then there’s Hapkido. In 2014 I had extensive knee surgery which led to a year of intensive therapy to get the mobility back. Last year I started taking Hapkido and working with Master Sayed at the American Hapkido Karate Academy to build up its strength, with the added bonus of learning a martial art in the process. In May I achieved my first belt (Orange) and was very excited. After a few knee setbacks which saw me return to class in the fall, I ended the year with my much-anticipated second belt, Yellow.


I finished the year with new headshots by the fantastically talented Mark Atteberry and his eye for detail is incredible, as verified by his amazing Instagram (so it’s not just me being biased). The next few months will include marketing them to casting directors in the hopes of unlocking many new auditions for me.

Quite a few people see 2016 as the year that hated us, bringing with it losses like the wonderful Alan Rickman, Nancy Reagan, David Bowie, Victoria Wood, Carrie Fisher, and Debbie Reynolds to name but a few. Though it’s hard not to attribute human emotions onto the passage of time, 2016 has certainly dealt an unfair share of punches and I, for one, am glad the year is behind us.

One of the most emotional blog contributions I’ve submitted to this blog site was written last summer. In it I spoke of how the events of my past were once the core of my existence and how I let it shape and define every part of my life but that I was now choosing to no longer allow My Story to be my defining. I called the blog, “Live in the lower case“.

The fallout from this blog was unexpected. While the majority of those who read it were deeply moved by my honesty, this reaction wasn’t universal. I learned that while I was choosing to move forward with confidence, there were a few I once wanted to be close to who instead took umbrage at My Story, for they believe such things are meant to be kept in the darkness and not brought into the light. I’m sad to say that their support and understanding was not forthcoming.

I made the difficult decision to draw a line in the sand and walk away from these lifelong connections for the betterment of my soul and my future, and entered into the new year released from the burden of twisting myself into a pretzel of their defining. Though a part of me is pained by the estrangement, there is a sense of liberation within myself that I can now live my life according to my own definitions.

While the earth dries from the storms of the last few weeks, and while we each find our groove as we navigate this new year, I hope each of you pray for the courage to chase new challenges, and the strength to leave behind anything that is detrimental to your story.

Much love and Happy New Year

Annie

xo

My lovely friend Kirsten wrote this amazing and inspiring blog that I read recently, and have reread quite a few times since. It really struck me in so many ways, and I think its raw honesty is quite refreshing, even if the subject matter is a little stinging in its truth.
One of the fun things about the blog as a whole is that I persuaded her to write it, in part because I love her to death, but mostly because we have many wonderful and passionate conversations on the things that inspire us and the things that hold us back. She has an amazing insight, and a really hypnotic excellence in her words that she pours quite wonderfully into her songs. And among our heart-wrenching and awesome conversations we have, we find hope, and optimism, and sometimes even new ways to think on the things that might be holding us back.
I asked her one day if she would ever think about sharing her thoughts with the world, and eventually, I’m proud to say she did. And it is VERY much worth waiting for. 🙂
In the first entry, Kirsten talks about nicknames that plagued her childhood, and perceptions about herself that she learned growing up. The blog is a revelation of her journey into realization of who she really is, that lovely, amazing, inspiring woman we love to death. She’s not the nickname she was called as a child, she’s who she chooses to be.
It’s not easy being a female these days. Maybe it never has been, but I can only speak of my world and my experiences. With air-brushed 15- and 16- year-old girls gracing the cover of every top selling fashion magazine, it’s tough to be a female in society and have a healthy, happy inner- and outer- “sense of self”. That’s right – barely pubescent, fully air-brushed GIRLS are being touted as the image we are meant to aspire to. Furthermore, if guys are constantly seeing the air-brushed and borderline jail bait in the pages of Maxim, Sports Illustrated and GQ, is it a wonder any female feels any measure of confidence wearing a bathing suit at a public beach, a LBD, or, God forbid taking her clothes off in front of a guy she wants to be up close and personal with?? (Guys: re-read that last statement… Good. Now read it again… That’s a BIG CLUE for you as to why your woman takes issue with you having those mags around!)
Kirsten Davies, Musings behind the Music
For me, reading it was also a really powerful lesson about the things we hold dear, and how they may not necessarily be good for us. It inspired me to respond to her with my own observations on life’s harsh lessons, and I share them here for you also.
Its funny what we carry around with us, what insensitive comment that they didn’t really think about after its said that has etched itself into our minds and hearts and pushed us to be, or not to be, the people we are today.
I remember being at school and I was in math class. Now I hate math, can’t understand it for toffee, and can’t wrap my brain around why there is no “why” when they tell you this is how math is. There is no why, apparently, there’s just math. It is. Math.
Now for some reason, while understanding math was like trying to learn a foreign language without the translation, my brothers understood it. They are two and four years younger than me, and teachers often said to me, “why can’t you be more like your brothers”. It stung, it always did, but I sucked it up, said something rude inside, and smiled.
The worst day was when I was about 16 I think it was, trying to master a math module class so that I could take the higher math and go to college to be something brainy. My teacher pretty much had enough of us and she wasn’t the nicest person either. In a fit of fury she said to me, in front of the class “you’re too stupid to teach” and stormed out of the class in disgust.
The boys in the class thought it was hysterical because they had goaded her so much she broke. We all thought she deserved it.
Until I moved here I spent my life like this: whenever I looked in the mirror to try and see the 17 year old, almost anorexic me that I thought I was (per Kirsten’s psychology comment posted below), trying to be the me everyone else wanted, I always heard this hateful teacher’s cutting words “you’re too stupid to teach”.
Surveys taken reveal that the majority of females have either been on or currently are on a diet. Sixty-five percent of American women between the ages of 25 and 45 report having eating disorder behaviors (2008 study). Sad. Actually, pretty pathetic. Are women not THE most amazing creatures on this planet? Strong. Soft. Vision beyond what’s evident. Multi-taskers by design. Adaptable. Co-creators and incubators of life. Helpers and givers by nature. Compassionate. WHY ARE WE SO OBSESSED WITH TAKING UP LESS SPACE ON THIS PLANET?!
Kirsten Davies, Musings behind the Music
I move 5000 miles from everything I knew, and didn’t like, to a country and a place where they said I was and am smart and funny and creative and talented and quirky. Ok so being called quirky is sometimes a compliment, but sometimes I hear it as a character definition on par with “stupid”,” out of control” and “not normal”, or worse “different” in that not-a-compliment tone. Hey, I never said I was perfect.
It took me 3 years to work up the courage to fix the inside of my head, and 2 more to actually do it.
I still hear those words though. She wasn’t the only one to say them, she just did it in a way I never saw coming.
I fight to hold onto the truth. And the truth is I’m pretty nice. I’m also pretty smart, and if I don’t know something I always find a way, or a person, or a workaround (aka ‘cheat’) to get it done. I’m impulsive, intuitive, instinctive, creative, and a whole bunch of other “-ive” words I can’t think of right now.
My favorite part of this whole adventure is that I am now in a country where I can be who I want to be, have a family of friends who want me to be it too, and have the means and the support to seize each moment that comes along. Carpe Diem.
It’s easy to look in the mirror and list everything we don’t like. It’s easy to stand still in the familiar and not want to change. The hardest thing we can do is look in the mirror and choose to fight ourselves and our inner voices to be the person we deserve to be. We all deserve to be awesome, and we all deserve to surround ourselves with people who love us and want us to be the very best version of awesome that we can be.
I’ve often wondered why things happen the way they do, and why I can’t learn all these wonderful lessons when I’m young enough to grow from them; being the age I am today I see how much time I wasted being lost and being tied down and being so frozen in fear and uncertainty that I never got anywhere. God had to take me 5000 miles away from everything I knew to truly open my eyes.
And after all of that, here’s my thought. If you look at all the bumps, stumbles, and scrapes life gives us, it puts value on the things we really want. I know that I want to finish my book. I know that I want to be an actor. I know that I want to be a mom, however God has that happen. After all the rough and tumble and heartache and mean words I’ve been told and am now fighting to ignore, I now truly know what I’m fighting for.
Sometimes I think God tests us. Let me rephrase that… I know that God tests us. He never tests us more than we can handle, says the bible, though sometimes I think that because its a book and therefore doesn’t have feelings and emotions that it totally has no idea how much we can handle. We’re human, and we’re fragile, sensitive, delicate creatures who crave love and affection and comfort and peace. When life gets ugly and complicated it’s hard to remember that God’s right there, walking alongside us as we stumble blindly through our tears willing it to get better. It’s hard to know and hold onto the truth that everything happens for a reason, especially when that ‘everything’ includes cutting comments that write themselves deep into our memories and whisper their nastiness into our ears when we’re most vulnerable. It’s hard to remember that God’s there when the darkness holds us so tight that we can’t remember how to breathe.
When we find that inner strength it’s empowering. It’s as intoxicating as it is terrifying, but it drives us and pushes us forward even when the whispering doubts try and sneak in. I like to believe that those life experiences help us know what we are fighting for and help us stand strong and confident in each new moment. If we know where we’ve been, we know where we want to be, and we know how much we are fighting for.
Whatever happens, whatever life reveals, I know it will be great… even if it takes an unusual path to get you where you want to be. And it’s that path which will fuel your inspiration and which will remind and reinforce what you truly want to fight for.
Whoever you are, and wherever you are, sleep sweet and know that you are loved, for all the wonderfulness that you are, by people who choose not to see your flaws, lest you see theirs too.
love
Annie

Reposting of an old blog

I’ve been thinking a lot about a blog that I posted last year on my Myspace, the one where I was talking about my ADHD and how it has been since finding out last April that my “quirkiness” (read: “annoying habits”) had roots in something even I didn’t figure.

It’s been a road full of ups and downs – ups that let you want to embrace your creative side (and finally start to map a plan to finishing your always-in-progress novel), feed your adventurous side (like sitting on a Harley Davidson and formaing a plan to make it a reality) and realize that there are a lot of fun and fabulous things that make you you. The downs though are the disappointments that come from unrealistic expectations, the fact that all the medication in the world will not tell you where you parked your car, and the realization that you have to fight boredom with every fiber of your being, lest it drags you down into a desperate place that makes your ADHD switch into overdrive and clean the whole house in under an hour, just so you can say you achieved something that day. (And yes, I did that!)

Anyway, part of me thinks that what I wrote was quite informative and there may be someting in it that other people might find useful. Part of me also wants to repost it as a reminder of how far I have come, mixed with a little dose of hope that it might spark an understanding for those of you who might happen to know someone who has ADHD.

Whatever the reasons that find you reading this, I hope you like it, enjoy it, or at least take something positive away from it.

And the next time I ask you where I parked my car, though you might laugh and shake your head for the umpteenth time, I hope that a part of you understands I don’t do these things on purpose.

Much love
Annie

New Beginings – posted August 3rd, 2007

Have you ever found yourself trying to get what you want to write to go in a particular direction, only to be thwarted by a lack of prose and an inability to get your brain to pay attention? Well this is me now and, I have to say, it is quite distracting to say the least.

My mind keeps going back to the Friends Reunited pages that I was rooting through this morning, as I wondered somewhat reminiscently what interesting things had happened to my classmates since those good old days of school. So much time has passed since we were all sitting our exams and dreaming of tomorrow, all the while wondering where we might end up but not really knowing how to get there. It was interesting to see familiar names and read in their profiles that time, and indeed life, has been kind to the most of them.

I consider myself most fortunate in so many ways to be blessed with the life I have now. There is very little I would change about my today (nothing a few more hours at the gym wouldn’t fix, for starters) but it certainly causes you to pause and think about all the things in your yesterdays you would gladly have changed, and wonder if, should you ever get to relive any of it, would you still do what you did the first time.

I used to be one of those people, wishing with all my heart for that one chance to go back into the past and change great swathes of my life, hoping against hope that it would be better than what it was and that – with the knowledge of today – I could make better decisions so that my tomorrows wouldn’t be quite as hard as they seemed to be.

Of course, if we change anything, if we re-write even one tiny ounce of our yesterday, would we still manage to find our way onto the path that makes our today so awesome? Would hubby and I have ever met if I tweaked the past and changed my choices that life brought before me? Would I still be the personality I am today that makes my friends laugh and lets my heart love them as part of my specially selected, and ever-growing, family? Probably not – and that’s probably why nobody has ever admitted to making a time machine.

An interesting thing happened to me a few months ago and that is part of why today is such a trip down memory lane and a measure of how far away my yesterdays are to where I am today. It was through a series of interesting conversations with my beloved hubby that we started to suspect there might be a little case of ADD in my life. Was this why I have the attention span of a goldfish and the ability to lose random objects within three seconds of having them in my hand? Was this one of the quirky reasons I can start a ton of projects and never finish any of them – yet feel exhausted from darting about all day trying to get them done? Might this explain why I can have a single conversation that changes direction so often, even I lose track of what we were talking about? Could this be why I can’t pay attention to many conversations because I can’t stop my mind wandering or thinking so many things at the same time it’s like having twenty television sets playing in your head, and each one is tuned to a different channel? (I heard that from someone and, sadly I can’t credit them with it because I can’t remember who said it.

It was back in April that I dragged hubby along with me to ask the doctor what they thought of our theory. Part of the reason I took him along was to not come across as some neurotic google bunny who thinks self-diagnosis via the internet is a good and viable pastime. The other part of the reason was because, in the UK if you go to your local doctor, especially if you live in some obscure backwater somewhere, the doctors don’t take too kindly to you coming in with internet printouts and a ton of questions. They work on the principle that they are the doctor and they, not you, were the ones to spend endless years in medical school, and here you are thinking you know something they don’t? Heaven forbid!!! (And yes, that actually has happened to quite a few people I know).

My doctor was quite the darling about it and after a discussion with the two of us, she actually thought our concerns were justified. Some tests later and it was looking more and more likely that ADD was indeed the fundamental cause of all this quirky and frustrating behavior.

It’s been 4 months since that conversation and a lot has changed. There is also a lot that doesn’t seem to have changed but, as I keep getting told, I set my expectation too high. I can finish a task that I start (though sometimes a distraction or too get in the way but, generally, this is a HUGE step forward); I feel calmer a lot more than usual and even have the tidal wave of thoughts hushed to barely a trickle. As a funny story for you, I have to say that there was one time hubby said I sat there looking somewhat concerned, but not really saying that anything was wrong. It transpires that your thoughts can actually shut up and leave you with a head so empty the silence seems to echo and here was me experiencing this startling phenomenon for the first time. And they say this is normal?!

There is a lot more to ADD and having ADD than I ever thought possible. I have done an extensive amount of research on it – and for anyone that knows me, this isn’t a shock – and there has been so much I have learned that I never even thought was connected to it.

Today, for example, I was reading one young man’s account of living with Adult ADHD, and some of what he said cracked me up:

Adults with ADHD are notorious for being absent-minded. We often forget where we park at the supermarket, we often forget things that we’ve set out to accomplish that day, and we may often forget to call our friends and family members when we have told them we would call them. We often forget where we left our wallet, car keys, a pen, anything like that. I once spent an entire day looking for my wallet, tearing every drawer in my dresser apart, taking my bed frame down to look under, behind, beside, in front of and behind my bed, ranting and raving around the house about how I couldn’t find my wallet, cursing everything and anyone in sight because I thought someone in my house had went rifling through my drawer and got my wallet out. Come to find out, my wallet was right in front of my computer screen where I had left it the night before when I cleaned out the pocket of my jeans. Another time I left it on the counter at the supermarket when I paid for my groceries, just walked off and left it.[1].

It amazes me to think of the number of times I have had something in my hands, like my car keys, and then barely a few seconds later I have to start tearing the place apart wondering where in the hell they vanished to when I could swear they were right there a minute ago.

In the article Mr. Bradley goes on to talk about how those with ADD can’t cope with change because we crave structure and depend on it to get us through the day. It makes me laugh to think about it because it is true – just ask hubby – and yet here I am, having moved more than 5000 miles into a new land and a new country, with a new husband who will have been married to lovely old me for two years this month… into a new role (wife, obviously), and a new house, with new shops (compared to the UK) and new experiences, and with a new ability to drive my (mostly) new car… and I don’t like change. Actually I loathe change. I would even go so far as to say it scares me and makes me anxious to the point I can make myself physically ill trying to get my head around a change that is taking place. A new job, a new house, some unexpected situation that needs dealing with and I start to feel myself franticly trying to piece together every eventuality that might present itself to make sure I have everything covered, just in case. I admire my hubby greatly for enduring what he does with me, especially now that it is actually a part of my make up, not just a little fun thing that defines me as quirky. And I remind myself all the time that, without change, I wouldn’t be here in this wonderful today that surrounds me. So perhaps it is safe to concede that, on this occasion, change is good. (Grin).

Ever since April I feel as though I have been on a roller coaster, trying to get my head around the concept of having ADD and what that means for everyone that comes into contact with me. It’s not contagious, that’s not what I mean. More, I worried that I had to explain to everyone that the reason I am as subtle as a slap in the face is because one of the symptoms[2] of ADD is an inability to disconnect your mouth from the thoughts your brain creates

Aside from the fact people with ADD can’t take being teased (as I discovered while compiling the answers for my doctor’s quiz), there is the fact that a person with ADD will listen to every word you say, and yet could deny within a matter of hours that they even had a conversation with you. We were speaking with a neurosurgeon who, in his line of work, as you can imagine, is faced with a multitude of people and circumstances that are too complex for the rest of us to understand. He confessed to us that he has to make a note that he has spoken to a particular person otherwise he will forget entirely that he has done so, going so far as to say he would pass a lie detector test to that effect. So, this just goes to show that forgetfulness can be completely un-ADD related and still require intelligent people to have to write things down.

There is no way to say, “Yes, I do care, I just can’t pay attention”, because to most people, caring and attention are practically synonymous: caring means paying attention: one pays attention because he cares.[3].

I have many quirks to my character, probably more than usual thanks to the ADD aspect. Yet it doesn’t stop me wanting to be the best that I can be, to be an achiever and make those who love me proud to be my friends. That’s not to say I have selfish goals, but rather a heart-felt desire to prove to those I love that their faith in me and their belief in me was justified.

Too long I had felt my life was an apology to those who had to share it with me. I’m quite sure there is many a psychologist eager to strip away that comment and make a lot of money piecing things together and straightening my head out, while hopefully healing my soul in the process. Sadly though, until the last few years came along, I was barely hanging on, like a fallen hiker gripping the edge of the ledge with every fiber of their being, hoping against hope that they don’t fall but really seeing no way to prevent it. Now that we are in today, and I find myself looking back on the path my life took, part of me is desperately sad for the things that developed, and yet part of me is angry too that something as simple as ADD could go undiagnosed while I struggled to pass exams, fought to remember things – I used to joke that I’d lose my head if it wasn’t glued on – and felt like an alien entity standing on the outside of reality, looking in and wondering how to get there. I wonder how different things would have been if people had only taken the time out to stop a moment and ask me, or even hazard a guess, that maybe all these annoying habits and frustrating traits were actually caused by something.

In the midst of my research, before my appointment to the doctor way back in April, I came across an article on the CBS News website that spoke of how women suffer in silence with ADHD. It seems I am not the only one to be surprised that people didn’t notice because, for women and girls, ADD presents itself very differently than it does in boys. It’s explained more closely in this article I found:

Researcher and educational therapist Jane Adelizzi, PhD, theorizes that females with ADHD have been largely neglected by researchers because hyperactivity is usually missing in girls, who typically have attention deficit disorder (ADD), the inattentive type of ADHD. But for advocates, the bottom line is this: Girls with undiagnosed ADHD will most likely carry their problems into adulthood, and left untreated, their lives often fall apart.

“Girls with untreated ADHD are at risk for chronic low self-esteem, underachievement, anxiety, depression, teen pregnancy, early smoking during middle school and high school,”; says Nadeau.[4]

The low self-esteem part is definitely, by far, the hardest element to deal with. It makes everything else seem overwhelming, because the sense of impending failure is almost as debilitating as the failure itself.

I have often wondered why it is that, even with the doctor’s help and my husband’s support, my ADD feels as crippling now as it did before we even knew what it was. There is no magic cure, sadly, and there is no amazing sense of normalness when the medication is just right and the little methods of coping start to take shape. When I went to the gym, for example, I found that if I wrote down all the instructions for the exercises, I could remember them for each time I wanted to go to the gym. Yet instead of that feeling like a sense of achievement, it made me feel as though I were a stupid child who had to make a joke of it so that, if anyone laughed at my yellow book with the stick figures and how-to instructions, then it wouldn’t sting half as hard. Even though I felt like a lame-brain for having to write everything down (with illustrations), I have been told by numerous trainers and gym staff that it is a great idea and a very useful tool. I think they wish more people would do it. (Grin).

Part of it, I realized only today, was that the stigma with ADD is my own, combined with the memories and experiences of my life before moving to the USA and finding out people actually liked me for no other reason than “because”. It’s why it has taken me almost 4 months to put into words the jumbled chaos I have been feeling ever since I realized that all those things I loathed about myself were actually rooted in a cause that could be remedied. Ok so not cured, per se, but a helping remedy that brings the tsunami down into a rippling wave has got to be worth having, right? I flitted between elation that all those annoying character traits were actually something other than just me being me, to utter devastation that the feeling like an alien concept that has framed my existence was actually real – there really was a reason, just nobody wanted to find out what that reason was.

So here I am. I have googled and searched the internet for every scrap of information I can find. I have found advice that tells me coping strategies for living your life with ADHD[5], and formulas for success[6] that are nothing to do with ADD but more to do with building self-esteem and setting goals and mapping plans to get there. Even WebMD[7] has coping strategies and advice that are worth a read – so much so that I printed them out, all of the above ones to be exact, and I have them pinned to my wall where I can see them every day and be encouraged by them.

When I reminisce about life back when I was in school, it’s not with a sense of wanting to be back in those days, far from it. While I loved drama and adored the creative writing and had an undying respect for my Modern Studies teacher who saw the best in all of us, even when we couldn’t, I look back on my school days more as a measure of how far I have come.

It is tempting to want to change the past, to iron out all the things that make your memories be sad instead of happy, or simply to change the decisions you made with better ones that only wisdom and hindsight could give you. But what would that get you? For me, it may well be a life much better than I could have imagined, with less of the traits that annoy even me, but would I be happy? It’s unlikely because, more than anything, there are no guarantees that I would find myself in this particular today. Sure I have ADD and sure I have a bit of a worry that people will look at me with a kind of “aaahhh…” and a face that says “that explains it,” but I love my today. This today, right here and right now would probably not be this one if I changed anything about my yesterdays, no matter how much I want to.

And though I still look at the things in my life with a sense of sadness at how some of them turned out, all I want to do is move onwards and upwards, making those who truly love me very proud and happy to be a part of my life and my journey.

I called this blog “New Beginnings” because I wanted to put into words all this turbulent thinking that has been bogging me down. I wanted to let this be the close of a chapter of low self-esteem and negativity because of the yesterdays, and instead be a declaration of a new chapter and a new outlook that can only be achieved with an honesty that is as raw and as true as I know it to be, and a sense of pride where once stood only shame.

I am proud of the person I have become, quirks and all. Sure there’s a reason for the majority of them that, until recently, even I didn’t know about but, you know what, who cares? It’s my quirkiness that lets my true friends love me and laugh with me, and admittedly laugh at me when the occasion presents itself, but that just keeps me humble (wink). I often wished that, when I moved to the USA , it would be a magical experience whereby I just wake up one day as the person I have longed my whole life to be. Sadly it didn’t happen that way, but I do wake up liking who I am and being excited about who I am becoming.

And for all those classmates of yesteryear who were part of my life back then, and a part of all the turbulent and uncontrollable quirkiness that wasn’t nearly as fun as it is now, I can say only this…

Just look at me now.

[1] Living with Adult ADHD. How it Affects You, Your Friends, Your Family, and Every Aspect of Your Life. By Charlie Bradley , Published Jan 31, 2007
[2] Help4ADHD.org: The disorder named AD/HD – The Symptoms. AD/HD predominantly hyperactive-impulsive type: (AD/HD-HI): Talks excessively; Blurts out answers before questions have been completed; Difficulty waiting or taking turns; Interrupts or intrudes upon others.
[3] Living with ADHD Thursday May 6th, 2004 . Journal entry by John Wiegley on what it is like to live with ADHD and the perceptions of others who try (and sometimes fail) to comprehend it
[4] ADHD: A Women’s Issue. The American Psychological Association, monitor on psychology – article by Nicola Crawford, February 2nd, 2003 .
[5] Everyday ADHD Tips and Strategies. From the makers of FocalinXR.
[6] Formula for Success. From Dr Phil, and his section on Life Strategies. It also covers 10 life laws; Internal dialogue; Personal relationship values; Living authentically and Seven steps to acquiring your goals, among others.
[7] WebMD: Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: ADHD in Adults – Page 1 lists typical symptoms, page 2 lists ways to live with them.

Where are we now?

I was having a great time packing up our apartment in Murrieta, knowing that we were heading back home to Los Angeles and the family and friends we had left behind there. Much as the town that called itself a city was quaint and pretty new, there wasn’t a lot in the way of things to do, unless you liked wine tasting… So, knowing that we were heading to Los Angeles and a brand new chapter in the place I call home, you can imagine that the packing was a pretty mammoth and exciting task.

The funny thing is that, amid all the boxes and the packing and the purging of nik-naks (think “junk”) that we had somehow collected in our year and a half of living in the hottest place in California – my opinion – it also seemed like a good idea to purge some of those email addresses I had acquired since the internet became a must-have tool of communication.

In doing this, the purging of the email addresses, I downloaded and archived a life’s worth of communications between my family and friends that seemed to go back years and years. And I discovered that there were some pictures and messages that I had been sent that I actually forgot I had, but very much enjoyed reading over again.

Take this item that my dad sent me.

Helensburgh Advertiser article

 

Having been a Publishing Studies student, and worked on the student newspaper, I have done my fair share of interviews and digging for stories, so you can imagine that it was with great amusement I looked back on this interview with our local Helensburgh Advertiser in the UK.

I remember thinking that there was something surreal about being asked my thoughts on the filming in Edinburgh and how funny it was trying to do a “take” while competing with the real world traffic that constantly ignored our attempts at filming some of the scenes on a quiet street… Every dry run was perfect and every time we went for the real shot, the traffic lights changed and the street was filled with a sea of cars that just didn’t seem to want to cease. 🙂

A scene from the video

I do still have dreams of acting in the USA, and want to be on NCIS, Numb3rs and 24 (who doesn’t) even if they are the only shows I ever get to be on, and even if I get killed off in the first 2 minutes. It’s a small and simple ambition, yet I haven’t quite worked out the whole how-to-make-it-happen part.

Ah well, I have time 🙂

A quick note
It is great to be back home. It’s great for so many reasons, and not all of them can be put into words. I also still have to unpack a sea of boxes while deciding where everything is going to go, while trying to achieve a sense of warm homeliness at the same time – no easy task when half the time you are still tearing open boxes wondering which one has the stuff you are looking for. You’d never know I actually labeled the boxes!
My name in print

 

Anyhoo, I was glad to be able to get the chance to reminisce, if only to measure how far I have come and how much fun I have had getting there.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring? If the past is anything to go by, I can guarantee it will be worthy of a blog or two. And maybe even a picture 🙂

A scene from the video
%d bloggers like this: